changes

There is a point in life when everything changes. It can be the day one gets married, the day one finds himself having a child, the first job or the graduation day.

One of the most memorable lines that I remember from Sex and City is this: “I wake up, look at the mirror, and I don’t recognise myself anymore.”

Is this part of growing up, part of transiting from one phase of life to another? Is this what’s happening to me?

When I was young, I was confident (quite) that I would remain more or less the same today. I would be working no doubt, but nonetheless with the same nonchalant, apathetic personality, motivated sufficiently to help the person next to me. I would stick with some of my old friends. But it seems not the case today. Sure, some of these things are constant. Yet my worldview has changed completely. And so if a younger version of me was to look in the ‘mirror’ and see into the future this person today, would he accept it? Maybe, since he does not have a choice. Would he be happy with it? I’ve always subscribed to Murphy’s Law, but I think he would feel a certain degree of shock.

I guess in my opinion, the biggest change occurs when beliefs changes, when religion changes. That’s when everything on which one’s life used to be based on would be devastated. That’s when a value system, that ought to be constant, is shattered. The perspective with which one looks at a particular situation might have to change, because the rationale for the particular outlook is no longer applicable.

At the end of the day, am I convinced that this change is for the better - at the very least, for myself? I could have a more pragmatic view life, but that does not equate to a more fulfilling life. Then again, such self-persuasion is meaningless; I can’t go back now. Logic will never tolerate that. I doubt my mind would allow that.

I still feel I haven’t sufficiently grasped the impact of the changes. Maybe like many others, I choose not to think that far because usually, the future we perceive today are not at all relevant. They just serve as something for us to cling on to, for us to motivate ourselves to continue to do what we are doing. Or maybe I don’t really forsee a future that exciting and entertaining.

Ah. The bliss of self-deception, and the wonders of repression…